The Bachelor Party
by BrownEyedDevil
Summary: This is an entry for the fourth I HEART ROGAN writing challenge. Bobby and Scott organize a bachelor party for Logan, Marie refuses to sleep with him for a month before the wedding and Victor still chases after.. a lot. Hilarity and swearing ensue!


_I would like to thank a few people. Yes, hello, it is I. I have been gone for a while, spent some time vacationing in Lievland and all that, had a life and tomorrow I will lose my computer. So hiatususususes are still on._

_Thank you to __**addy-ell**__ who actually reminded me of this challenge. I've had the idea the instant I saw the challenge… a while ago when it was first posted, but the rut, the rut, it was quite pesky. My Rogan muses are still bullied by… ah let's not go there :P_

_As usual, __**JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo**__ who made me laugh so hard tonight I spilled chocolate chilli liqueur. Through my nose. She also sits with me through this final, rambling stage and is so far the only one who has read it. She is also urging me to post right now so I better ramble quickly._

_I would also like to thank __**Comic-cake**__ who I officially want to blame for getting me into this whole Rogan deal in the first place because I used her favorites as first read recommendations^^ Also, her stories kick ass and she is an evil genius._

_I also want to thank God and my parents… oh wait, wrong speech._

_No really, thank you guys at Liev Schreiber Forum dot com. Haha, I am so nifty. They gave me a home and I do not feel alone anymore. It is a great place for all Liev and Victor fans! Heaven, even. That one I couldn't hold back._

_Anyway._

_DISCLAIMER!_

_This is a fun bag of nonsense filled with sexual innuendos and not so subtle sexual references.I am as subtle as a hit with a brick in the head, really. A perverted brick. People fucking swear because I damn well like it that way so you have been warned. _

_This story doesn't make much sense._

_Go read my oneshot "Ooh, shiny!" which is sort of a prequel to this. Or this is a sequel to that, go read and leave a comment!_

_I do not own any of the X-Men. I cry myself to sleep about that every night. Sadly, neither Hugh nor Live are here to cheer me up. I do own every Mary Sue that skips along though and that sense of humor is mine too and I won't rent it out or anything. It is all I got!_

_This is an entry to a challenge so please, if you read, do leave a review. You should always do that if you read a story though!_

**The B****achelor Party**

Logan mumbled. Logan grumbled. Logan moaned. Logan yelled loud enough to scare every child within earshot. Logan destroyed an empty classroom along with some artwork and a vase the professor had been very fond of.

But nothing helped. Marie insisted on the bachelor party thing. And since Logan didn't have any friends he knew of, or could invite since Marie didn't appreciate the company of his few female friends up North he had been visiting irregularly in times of need… Well, he was stuck with the geek squad. And a huge older brother that chased every female and every reflection there was. He was in for a fun night, that was for sure.

"Marie, come on. Let's go rent a few movies. I even let you watch that Cute October crap and I won't complain about it. Much."

"It's Sweet November Logan, and there is no way you can worm yourself out of this. It is going to be fun!"

"Dude, renting sappy movies is absolutely against the guy code!"

Logan looked at Bobby and back at his fiancé, as if to make a point. In fact, Scott and Bobby had been planning his bachelor party, which scared him. It probably included starched shirts, boygroup music and as much root beer as he could drink.

"Come on buddy, let's go!"

Bobby's hand tried to descend on his shoulder and Logan glared at it until it fluttered away. Reluctantly he followed the boy to the garage, where apparently the bullshit was going to start. Victor was leaning against the doorframe, picking his fangs with his claws.

"Just so you know, I got your back Jimmy. Just one sign and I'll kill em all for you."

Strange, but Logan found that very reassuring, though at this point he really wanted to kill them all by himself. On the other hand, it could be a great bonding experience…

They entered the garage and to his great relief there were no balloons, flowers, colorful fluttery stuff or any other decoration Logan would have expected to see after the flamboyantly gay couple had been unleashed on a room before a partay. That's how they kept calling it. And they wondered why everyone thought they were…

"Please don't tell me you brought a camera, Scott!"

"Why not, Bobby? We'd want some pictures to remember this night by, wouldn't we? After all we are about to get _smashed_!"

The way Victor grinned at him when he said that particular last word would have made anyone who was more aware of his surroundings run for cover. Screaming. With soiled pants. But Scott was busy fiddling with his digital camera.

"The code! Remember THE CODE!"

Bobby was doing that fluttery stuff with his arms again that reminded Logan of a chicken. A scared, gay chicken.

"What fucking code? Did he get dropped on the head or something?"

"Repeatedly."

Logan handed his brother a beer, for once glad that he didn't need to face this all alone.

"The guy code! And here I was thinking that guys like you practically live it! Here, let me hand you the leaflets. Top secret, but I don't need to tell you, do I."

Bobby took a sheet off a stack that was carefully placed between the tools. Logan had used them to wipe up oil spills and clean his tools and never so much as glanced at them. They smelled like Iceman, so there was nothing on them that could interest him. By default.

"By the way, I forgive you Logan."

He raised his eyebrows at Bobby, who pointed at the paper Victor was currently reading, vibrating with suppressed laughter.

"Here, let me read this for ya, I want you to have your hands free for anything you might want to do in a few moments. 'Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.'."

"Buddy? I have no buddies!"

Victor looked at Logan expectantly. Oh yes, the Wolverine was definitely dying to get out. A knock on the door saved him though. For now.

"Logan?"

Thanksweetgoodness, that was his Marie. Coming to rescue him. Make it all better with a few hours of wild, mansion-deafening sex on the roof. He still wanted to cross that one of the list before they got married. He still had his standards to live by, after all.

Bobby stormed towards the door.

"Hey, is Logan here already?"

"Marie, this is guys only. He's not even here!"

Scott looked at Logan with one of those "Kids, what are you gonna do" looks, then mouthed

"Number four."

"Bobby, don't be stupid, I can see him from here. He sees you too and he wants to murder you, what have you done it's only been what, ten minutes? You were supposed to have a good time together!"

"Oh we will, believe me!"

"No strippers Bobby!"

Victor's face fell. The only thing he had sort of looked forward to tonight. Just like his brother, who was clenching his beer hard enough to crack the thick glass.

"You know that we will party together later. Now you made me spoil the surprise!"

"Okay Jimmy, I agreed to come here and stay with the geek squad without doing too much damage, but I don't have to stick around for another night of boring kids games. I'm outta here!"

Logan felt a whimper crawl up his throat, along with the urge to beg his older brother to take him along wherever it was he was going. It probably involved dim lights, lots of alcohol, fighting and a few easy chicks.

"Come on Victor, this is going to be fun! We got ourselves a designated driver and we'll be going to a bar and…"

Bobby had made the mistake of touching Victor's arm. Logan was cheering inwardly, the look on his brother's face promised murder and mayhem. But Bobby, seemingly unaware, leaned closer to whisper something. Before he could say anything, a huge clawed hand met his face, squished it quite comically and pushed him away.

"Dou you have a death wish?"

"I was just going to tell you something but since Logan has these really good ears and would hear it if I was too loud…" he scribbled something on the back of a leaflet and handed it to Victor.

"Okay Jimmy, made up my mind. Let's go!"

"We're still waiting for the driver. Usually we wouldn't wait longer than five minutes, but he is driving."

"Stop it with that code already."

When Scott Summers thought something was really annoying and a little too much, especially when it was written down, numbered and formulated as rules… You knew you were definitely crossing the line.

"Leave him alone, One-Eye. He hit puberty last week and's a little confused. Leave him the rules, that's all he got."

After all, Logan got the girl. Who turned out to be a really interesting woman. Really, really interesting. A woman that definitely enjoyed her pudding. Enjoyed it so much that she made sure to lick up every last…

"Alright, Remy be here. De party can start!"

"What the hell? Where does this guy come from?"

Logan scratched his head. He had an awful feeling of that déjà… stuff. And this felt wrong.

"We needed a driver and he was there. I am not questioning fate."

"Hey, Gumbo, haven't I seen you about twenty years ago? Which might have been forty but over the years timelines do not seem all that important."

The guy with the red eyes laughed.

"'ow would dat be possible?"

"You flew a plane. And stop with that ridiculous accent already."

"Sorry, people seem to expect that. And now, that's impossible. I am not a perpetual young one just like you."

"What are you talking about? He looked older fifty years ago than he did the last time I saw him!"

"You gotta be talking Victor! Where's the beach blonde idiot that aided in almost killing my fiancé?"

Victor grumbled and walked towards their car.

"A holiday replacement. What? I needed a break. After hundred years of slaughter a guy wants a few months to himself!"

"Can we please just leave? I get a hedache!"

Scott motioned towards the car and Logan eyed him for a moment. He could have sworn that Summers was dead, but that was probably just wishful thinking.

"Yeah, let's get out of here. This beer sucks. You better take me to a place where I can get some decent beer or you will regret this."

"Logan, you never bitch about the beer your buddies.."

"I. Have. No. Buddies!"

A little while later, a while spent with five large to very large guys crammed into one ridiculously small Porsche, they arrive at their destination. Logan nods approvingly. It is a sports bar but it looks seedy enough to spark his interest. At least one thing the guys didn't fuck up. he hopes that Marie is having more fun than he does right now. Although not the kind of fun that includes whipped cream and half naked strippers. Their relationship has very few rules and most of them center around the use of whipped cream and other food items, which are strictly limited to their bedroom, or any other room, as long as he is present. Other people present are an option, as long as they look and not touch. With a primal sounding grunt he gets out of the car.

His mood has just went further downhill to check what's underneath the basement. Thinking about sex without immediate satisfaction makes him cranky. Domestication is not always a good thing for the untamable.

They enter and are led to a back room by a girl in shorts that looks like maybe her mother would be legally allowed to work in this place. Barely.

In the room they, not so surprisingly, meet Marie, Jubilee, Kitty and Storm with a few other girls from the mansion Logan never bothered with. Victor grumbles something even Logan can't understand and they sit down. Logan calms down immediately as his hand works it's way into his fiancé's hair. Now that he has gotten used to that word he finds himself using it over and over in his head. He has to be careful or he will forget her name. Marie leans her head against his shoulder and smiles. He can smell alcohol on her breath, she is already pretty tipsy. The Wolverine does a little happy dance inside his head.

The girl that has almost been eaten by Victor is also there, but Logan can't find a fibre inside his body that wants to get up and save her stupid self. Which has a lot to do with Marie's hand inching up his thigh under the table. He is already calculating the distance to the restrooms. He figures he could throw her over his shoulder and run for it in less than five seconds.

There is a commotion by the door and Logan takes his eyes off Marie's cleavage long enough to see that two cops, one male, one female, try to enter the room. And that is when he knows that something is very wrong. Because these are not cops. Female cops don't wear skirts that are that short combined with stiletto boots that are that tall and… oh no, shiny! He looks at his brother, who seems to be unaffected by the shiny boots.

Which might have something to do with the fact that the woman just took off her shirt. Generic striptease music seems to have appeared out of thin air. Marie next to him groans and Logan isn't exactly sure if that is because of the ridiculous situation or because the guy cop just ripped his shirt open.

How is it possible to be this tan? And if she wants more shirt ripping, he can definitely do that. With a smug grin Logan turns away. There is no way that that boy can compete with him.

Apparently the woman is completely naked now, Logan doesn't really dare to look. When he does he notices the tassels. They are turning in circles as she moves her upper body. Victor stares at them, fascinated and Logan is pretty sure he will pounce any second.

"The tassels, huh."

"Jimmy, where I come from we call them tits."

Logan decides to ignore that dry remark in favor of a relatively uneventful night. He doesn't want to upset Marie, her nerves haven't been the best these days. Two days before the wedding. Only two days. Part of him wants to bolt but he remains in his chair, partially because half naked cop guy is dangerously close and tries to dry hump his fiancé.

As Logan has learned long ago there are few things a good, menacing growl can't cure.

The guy, who seems to have lathered himself with a few buckets of oil, focuses his attention on the other, now squealing, women in the room and Marie, giggling, climbs in his lap before the woman with the tassels can. Nibbling on his earlobe Marie whispers something about buying some for herself and Logan recalculates the time he'd need to get her to the nearest bathroom.

He figures he can do it in three.

Logan is so busy with the woman, his woman, on his lap, that he doesn't pay much attention to his surroundings until he hears roaring laughter. The kind that is usually followed by someone dying a very interesting, bloody way. The official term for it is Victorcide.

"You leave your grimy paws off my sister!"

Bobby is standing in front of Victor, looking really angry. Apparently, the girl Victor almost ate, with the red hair and sparkling earrings, is Bobby's sister. Logan scratches his head.

"I thought you only had a younger brother, since when do you have a sister?"

"Since the author decided to throw out all pride in favor of getting her Mary Sue into the story once more. Come on, I am one of her least favorite characters!"

Logan shakes his head. Alcohol does the strangest things to people.

"Anyway. She's my sister and if you had read the CODE you'd know she was off limits!"

Victor actually unfolds one of Bobby's precious pamphlets he had stowed in the pocket of his black coat. The dramatic effect would have been better if he had glasses to put on, but unlike this author, he does have dignity.

"We have known each other for twenty three hours and… forty eight minutes so fuck off, ice prick!"

And that he does. Bobby meanders over to the public area of the bar, trying to get his mind off things. Closely followed by Kitty and Jubilee, who is absolutely annoyed by the Cajun guy who keeps following him around and tries to flirt with her.

Their first child will be born in eleven months.

Logan meanwhile still tries to persuade his future wife to check out the bathroom stalls with him. The back alley. The backseat of the damn car. But she has had that idea that their wedding night should be special and that they should enjoy it so much, so she has banned them from having sex. With each other. And with others. For a month.

"Come on Marie! Just because I heal doesn't mean that my balls can't fall off!"

"You know how much I want it too, Logan!"

"Then why all this bullshit?"

"Because I want that night to be special!"

Logan looks around himself carefully. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and nobody is within earshot. Victor is busy stalking his prey, so Logan pulls Marie closer and says something that would be on the very top of the guy code if guys didn't know that those words were real life savers-you just don't let your buddies catch you.

"Marie. I have had sex with more women than I could count. Don't pout, let me finish. The sex has never been better than it was with you. To me, every night I can spend with you is special, so I don't need all this. But if you want to we can… do all that stuff you wrote about in your diary you let me read when you were drunk the other night."

Marie blushed the deepest shade of crimson possible. It is impossible to talk about the things she has dreamed of for a very special night, but they include candles, roses and whipped cream. And not in the ways they usually appear in the bedroom. Well, except for the whipped cream.

"Well you know how many girls say that if they don't swallow it technically isn't…"

Before she has finished her sentence he has gotten up and thrown her over the shoulder. With help of some feral telepathy type communication he alerts Victor to his leaving, who follows behind them, his midnight snack in tow.

As they pass the public area they are greeted by a nice crowd gathering around something they can't see until they break through the ring of onlookers that always forms around people about to kick each other's teeth in, it is a physical law.

Bobby is right in the middle of it and looks relieved to see them.

"Great, I could use your help, guys."

The three men about to beat Bobby up look at the two large ferals and are about to run for cover screaming, when…

"I don't know. What does his code say, Victor?"

Another dramatic unfolding of the pamphlet, this time one handed because of midnight snack slung over one shoulder, Victor scans the many important rules.

"Ah, here. 23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy. I am definitely out."

"Sorry Bobby. As you see, my brother and I are very busy right now. You'll heal."

To the sound of chairs breaking on people they leave the bar and head for the car. Logan breaks every speed limit and quite possibly world record for that distance that night. He and Marie spend a wonderful night with drunk, carnal monkey sex. Well, one of them is drunk so that counts.

They get married without any hitches and live happily ever after, unless there is another writing challenge of sorts or the writer is stuck in a rut. Scott still is miraculously alive, Bobby did heal after a few weeks in intensive care and Victor is still the foxy guy that creeps everyone out and kills people. Oh and Bobby's newfound sister? She got killed that night in a freak accident because I can't stand Mary Sues.


End file.
